Twelve Days of Tort Law – The Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the court,

Not a lawsuit was pending, not even a tort;

The court clerks were lined by the exit with glee,

In a mere fifteen minutes, they knew they’d be free;

It was 4:45, and the court wasn’t be busy,

‘Til a young lawyer came in, all in a tizzy;

His papers were crinkled, his suit was a mess,

Everyone knew he was in some sort of distress;

The head clerk walked up to the window and sighed,

“It’s the day before Christmas, and we’re closing at five.”

The young lawyer yelled through the glass with despair,

“I have fifteen more minutes, you’re not being fair!

My tax dollars pay you to be here, you see,

And I am a lawyer, so you listen to me!

I need this order signed by the judge, and I need it now,

You have ten minutes to find him, you miserable cow!”

The clerk held her tongue, just as she’d been trained,

And replied with a smile that clearly was strained,

“Of course, counsel, I’ll send someone right away,”

Plotting while speaking how to lead him astray.

“That’s more like it,” the attorney yelled, shrilly,

Completely unaware that he was about to look silly.

The clerk took the motion, and as she walked off to the back,

Heard him yell into his phone “what a miserable hack!”

She looked down at the pleading, and noticed with glee,

That it didn’t comply with Rule 4.1(b)!

At 4:59, she returned to the counter,

The rest of the office all gathered around her.

“I’m sorry, sir,” she said merrily,

“This doesn’t comply with Rule 4.1(b).

The margin down here is only one inch, you see,

So I cannot time stamp it as proscribed by Rule 4.3.

I am going to require correction pursuant to Rule 4.1(d),

Which for you, my good sir, means, unfortunately,

You’ll have to come back in two days, though I hate to deprive,

It’s the day before Christmas, and we’re closing at five!”

I hope you enjoyed our Festive Compendium! You can find the rest of the series here:

Chris Mutchler
Christopher Mutchler

Copyright Christopher Mutchler – Wethersfield, CT – 2018

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